Okay. Teaser Tuesday. Again from my WIP and I hope the whole Maggie/Toby dichotomy isn't too confusing here.
"Excellent." Agent 355 stood up and Maggie, mindful of her place as Toby,
stood as well. "Then good luck to you, Toby O'Neill. I sincerely hope
that we meet again."
Maggie bowed, and pulled her greatcoat around her in preparation.
She was just about to open the door when she paused.
"I almost forgot," she said, turning from the door. "I...my sister told
me there was a meeting at the Sergeant's Arms tonight."
"Gainsville and Andre?" Hercules Mulligan said with a grim laugh. "Aye,
we heard as much."
"But there was another man with them."
Mulligan's left eyebrow rose a fraction of an inch. "Aye?"
"About my size, small and wiry, with a large nose curved like a hawk's
beak."
Mulligan shook his head. "Not anyone who's crossed my door. Name?"
"It changes, but always a Christian name. Mr. Thomas, Mr. George. The
last time we met he was Mr. Oliver."
Agent 355 turned sharply to Hercules Mulligan whose face hardened.
"We had word from London that a man named Oliver had been dispatched to
New York," she said. "Our contacts seemed extremely anxious about his
involvement."
"That's an understatement."
"What can you tell us?"
Maggie unbolted the backdoor and pulled it open a crack so she
could just see the length of the deserted lane. The moon had disappeared behind the two- and three-storey buildings and the neighborhood was muffled by darkness. Perhaps it was just her nerves, a combination of her encounter with Mr. Oliver and the shadowy figure who had tracked her from the tavern, but she
knew that someone's eyes were upon her.
She closed the door with a soft click and turned back to the trio of
patriots.
"There's only one thing you need to know about Mr. Oliver," she said,
steadily meeting each of their eyes in turn. "Quite simply, he's the most
dangerous man you'll ever meet."
Will you hurry up and finish this book!!?!
ReplyDeleteI just love it. I didn't find the Maggie/Toby thing confusing. I just want to keep reading more. :D
No, the Maggie/Toby split isn't problematic at all. As long as the narrator always refers to her as Maggie, it won't matter if the characters refer to her as Toby. No different than if the narrator called her Margaret and the characters called her Maggie. We'll adapt to it quickly as long as it's consistent.
ReplyDeleteOur Maggie likes a bit of the melodramatic, doesn't she? "the most dangerous man you'll ever meet." ;o)
Good dialogue! It "sounds" very natural. :)
ReplyDeleteGreat, natural dialogue! Very intriguing ending...and I want more!!
ReplyDeleteSeems perfectly clear to me. Nice sense of foreboding in this scene.
ReplyDeleteYeah, it is a little bit melodramatic, isn't it? I should change that line. But once you know what this man's already put her through, it makes more sense. Also, I have to build up the sinister, dangerous aspects of his character through Maggie's eyes because we aren't actually going to see him again for another couple hundred pages. :/
ReplyDeleteOooh scandalous!! Loving this. Actually, I quite liked Maggie's description of Oliver. It sounds like it describes her history with him perfectly, and the fact that he uses different aliases...that makes you wonder what he's capable of.
ReplyDeleteReally dug it. Found myself wanting just one sentence of reflection after she lists Mr. Oliver's aliases. Don't know why--could just be me.
ReplyDeleteNancy. Excellent idea! Thanks everyone for all the great feedback. Just remember, I like it BLUNT. Don't need sunshine blown my shaking bootay!
ReplyDelete