Wait, I think I just got this blog post confused with my master plan for world domination. Pinky, what was I talking about?
Oh right. Today, I'm hijacking Shout Out Thursday for a little something I'd like to call "Best Worst..." I'd explain it, but that wouldn't be any fun. I think you'll pick up on the theme as I go, and please, comment. This is more fun with your input.
1. Best Worst Movie. This is one of my favorite discussion topics. I mean, there are so many, many, many films from which to choose! Of course, it's easy, simplistic even to go with a true "C" film like 1977's The Crater Lake Monster in which a man-eating dinosaur which looks like something Stan Winston made when he was a toddler terrifies an Oregon town, and modern slasher porn like Eliza Dushku's tour de force performance in 2003's Wrong Turn are such easy targets. Of course, singers-turned-actors will always have a place in this list, just ask Mariah Carey (or torture yourself with the first 10 minutes of Glitter) and personally, I have a soft spot for Elizabeth Berkeley's indignant stripper in Showgirls but I'm going in a completely different direction on this one. My vote for Best Worst Movie goes to.... Twister!
Think about it: based on a novel by NYT Bestselling author Michael Crichton, directed by Speed mastermind Jan de Bont, and sporting not one but two Oscar winners (Helen Hunt and Phillip Seymour Hoffman) PLUS that man-meat that is Westley, er, Cary Elwes... Oh, the horror. It is a trainwreck from the downbeat and I utterly, utterly adore it.
2. Best Worst Song. Now I'm going to shy away from musical genres I don't (a) enjoy or (b) listen to. For those of you keeping score that would be Pop (sorry Britney), Country, R&B and Christian. The 70's and 80's were such a lush breeding ground for shitty songs. Honestly, if it wasn't the lyrics (can someone please tell me what the lyrics to "Rio" actually mean? You know, other than that she dances in the goddamn sand) it was the lack of substance (honestly, I really want to know where Funky Town is so I can go there and start mowing people down). And don't even get me started on "bands" where no one played an instrument (hey, NKOTB, FU!) There are one-hit-wonders galore (why did the "Hey Mickey" video have 40 year old cheerleaders in it?) and novelty acts that never should have seen the light of Tiny Tim's ukulele.
And yet with so many possible nominees, I'm going with... 1992's Jump Around by those hardass white Irish rappers House of Pain.
Now, it could just be that I'm partial to crappy early 90's music (think EMF and Jesus Jones), it could just be that I'm partial to Irish boys who want to rap or it could just be that I have a secret, long-held desire to be a part of the Soul Assassins posse. But honestly, have you ever heard this sound and not wanted to, well, jump around? I defy you. Go ahead. Listen. See? You're jumping around in your chair. Told ya.
(Mini Shout Out - Jake Gilchrist, that was for you!)
3. Best Worst Book. This is hard for me. Honestly, I don't read a lot of books that I either have such a violent reaction against or that I can't find any redeeming qualities therein. Ayn Rand comes to mind. And though it found The Hours a living torture to get through, I thought the prose was lovely. So I'm going with a controversial pick here... Kate Chopin's The Awakening (1899).
It's odd. On paper, a book I should have loved. I'm a sucker for Victorian and Edwardian literature. I sympathize with the plight of pre-WWII women. I dug the running thread of musical references. And there are plenty of books about women trapped by societal roles and circumstance, some even taking the Anna Karenina route with a header onto the tracks. And yet, I hated this damn book. Hated. Wanted to throw it against the wall hated.
Okay, your turn. Give me your Best Worsts! (and don't forget to vote in the poll, okay?)
Jump around.
Best worst movie for me has to be "Armegeddon'. It's so corny with the cliched 'Americana' imagery and the hulking oil drillers, but I just can't help myself. I loathe Ben Affleck, he can't act for toffee but, gawd, I'm a sucker for romance. The song gets me every time, and the 'Missing-man' fly-past at the end. Another plus, Bruce Willis is easy on the eyes ;)
ReplyDeleteI can't spare enough brain cells to contribute anything new, but I have to applaud your decision on The Awakening. Loathe. That. Book. And, for the same reasons as you, I totally shouldn't.
ReplyDeleteYeah, Armegeddon is bad. BAD bad. But what did you expect with Affleck and Liv Tyler? ;)
ReplyDelete1. Red Dawn
ReplyDelete2. In the sub-category "Best Worst Video" I'm going with Dead or Alive's "You Spin me Round"
3. Jonathan Franzen's The Corrections.
Ooooo. Red Dawn. GOOD ONE. Whatever happened to C. Thomas Howell?
ReplyDeleteOh, we'll get to Best Worst Video. I had to save something for future posts!
Showgirls: "It doesn't suck."
ReplyDeleteUmmmmmm...have to differ on the music. I'm an early 80's girl, through and through. Yep, the lyrics make no sense whatsoever (Pseu--Pseu--Pseudio) but I can sing them all and bounce around like a fool and if there's an 80's station I'm all over it. Worst for me will be anything RAPPABLE. Any of it, not picky. Can't hang with it!
ReplyDeleteWorst movie ever -- Devil's Rejects. My hubby rented it because he likes gore and zombies and...gore. I've seen alot of it in all possible factions, but this put me in shock. People having sex with corpses, A woman going at it with a clown that would make Pennywise look kid-friendly. I had to walk away. Actually even my hubby who will watch anything, had to say it was too much. Another movie that completely surprised me -- The Good Girl with Jennifer Aniston. Thought it would be funny just because it was her. So depressing I kept hoping it would just end.
Book - Empire Falls. Zzzzzzz. There's another that was worse but it was so depressing and boring I've blocked out the name from my memory.