mood: sing-songy
pandora/ipod: "artificial flowers" by bobby darin
Too often kindness is relegated to a random act performed only when we’re feeling good. But an even greater kindness (to ourselves and others) occurs when we reach out even when we aren't feeling entirely whole . It’s not easy, and no one is perfect. But we’ve decided it’s not impossible to brighten the world one smile, one kind word, one blog post at a time. To that end, a few of us writers have established The Kindness Project, starting with a series of inspirational posts.
Let's face it: I'm kind of a bitch.
I can admit it. I can be selfish, thoughtless, self-involved, hyper critical and downright snarky. Add a healthy dose of "only child-ism" and yeah, bitch.
But not always.
Random acts of kindness are actually pretty easy. Any bitch can do them. You remember to hold the door open - sometimes. You let the guy with four items go ahead of you in the grocery check out line - sometimes. You add a quarter to the parking meter before you pull away as a gift to the next guy - sometimes. "Random" really just means "when you remember it's not all about you." So technically they should be called "Less Self-Involved Moments of Kindness."
But the Kindness Project isn't about that. It's about a conscious effort toward kindness. A whole shift in mindset. And this? This is going to be tough for me.
That said, when thinking about today's post, I realized that there is one thing I do on a daily basis that's geared entirely toward unselfish kindness: I try and make people comfortable.
Okay, it's not feeding the homeless or volunteering to build homes in Central America, but it's something I do well, and something I do intrinsically. Let me explain.
I'm an extrovert. Clearly. I'm also a bit of an attention seeker. Clearly. I'm also ridiculously comfortable with both of these things. But I realize that not everyone is. Not everyone is comfortable in large groups, at parties, in the spotlight. Maybe they don't know anyone there. Maybe they don't feel like they can butt into a conversation. Maybe they don't deal well with everyone talking at once. When I'm at a party, spinning in my social spazziness, and I see the person standing by themselves, I go talk to them. I introduce them to people. In a group, I ask them questions, draw them into a conversation. I can see the tension melt, the body language telling me that they are feeling less awkward, more comfortable.
AND MY WORK HERE IS DONE!!!
Writing it out like this, it seems so trivial. I suppose, in the grand scheme of kindness, it is. But for me, it's a step in the right direction, isn't it? I rung away from bitchy?
I'm going to have to step it up for the next post, aren't I?
:)
Posting today for The Kindness Project:
Elizabeth Davis
Sarah Fine
Liza Kane
Amie Kaufman
Sara Larson
Matthew MacNish
Sara McClung
Gretchen McNeil
Tracey Neithercott
Lola Sharp
Michele Shaw
Meagan Spooner
Carolina Valdez Miller
Hahaha! Oh man, how I love your honesty, Gretchen. And I think this is perfect. It doesn't take a huge gesture to make a difference in someone's life. Sometimes a bunch of little things can add up.
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad to be a part of this. Carol is the best!
Speaking as an extreme introvert, I certainly appreciate that brand of kindness!
ReplyDeleteI love this post! Thank you for your honesty. And P.S. I totally think we'd have a blast together at a party! ;)
ReplyDeleteYou would be my hero, that's for sure! I always AM that person at a party, especially ones where I don't know many people. It's not a pleasant feeling! And I can tell you that having someone do what you do makes you feel like someone's just swooped down and saved you. Great post!
ReplyDeleteI feel like this might be my superpower. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA
ReplyDeleteNo, you don't need to step it up, because what you described is of great help to me in social situations. I NEED people like you or I'd sit in a corner not talking to anyone. It's much more valuable than you give yourself credit for!
ReplyDeleteGretchen, Not one time in the short period we have been acquainted have you come across to me as a bitch. Never have you slapped the hell out of me (verbally, of course) when I may have (read: deservedly) needed it. Those are not what I'd call "the hallmarks of a bitch." Rather, you've been extraordinarily kind. You've laughed, you've smiled, you've answered questions. Not once did I think you anything other than pretty freakin' awesome.
ReplyDeleteSure, you could get mean, but I haven't seen it. (Hell, you haven't seen me angry...I can make the Hulk look like a pussy.) So, I think, even with your extreme honesty clearly on display, you may be a bit mistaken.
I see no bitch in you. At least, not yet. And besides, friends are supposed to overlook flaws, right? Even flaws that don't exist.
Each conscious effort forward toward kindness makes the world a better place. Every smile. Every inclusive or responsive tweet. Every hug. The small random things are good, too. They're little happiness bombs. Bigger kindness starts within and permeates everything around us. It's indeed a shift.
ReplyDeleteBut, sometimes, we have to stand up for ourselves, too. (I don't call that being a bitch.) (being a bitch is intentionally being rude or stuck up, among other things. And you are not a bitch.) Sometimes standing up for ourselves IS being kind. If someone is being a douchy asshat, we don't have to accept being treated that way. Setting boundaries is being kind to ourselves. That doesn't make us bitches.
Anyway, I love your post and I'm happy we're doing this project journey together. :)
Hugs,
Lola
I tend to do that too. I power down when I know I will be overwhelming to someone.
ReplyDeleteBut, seriously, if you do that Gretchen, I bet there are other things you do without thought. And, what I appreciate is you do it instinctively and do it without thought of benefit to yourself. That's a kind heart, darlin'
Sia McKye OVER COFFEE
I love this! I NEED someone like you in group situations! I'm an extrovert for my job but I'm an in-the-wild INTROVERT. So, your superpower to make others comfortable in a social setting? Would totally make my day! ^_^
ReplyDeleteThank you for your honesty and for your superpowers!
You know, I think small acts of kindness only seem trivial to us, not to the person on the receiving end. I for one, being incredibly shy, would probably sell you my second kidney if you came over to talk to me at a party. Yeah, for you it might seem insignificant, but for someone super shy, it's a huge deal.
ReplyDeleteGlad to be taking part in this great project with you!
I have always seen kindness in you. You're amazing at making people feel comfortable and welcome and appreciated. This is no small thing. Not to me, and likely not to anyone who has been the recipient of this kindness of yours. You've impacted my life in so many ways, and I'm grateful to you for that. I'm so glad to know you.
ReplyDeleteI would call you sassy and not mean it as polite code for bitch at all. More joie be vivre than anything else. :)
ReplyDeleteAnd what you do is SO important. Introverts don't GO out, and when they do it's not fun, and then they don't want to anymore. You help break a vicious cycle of antisocialism. It's also the littlest thing that can make the biggest difference.
Gretchen, you have done this for ME before and it was not trivial AT ALL. Thank you!
ReplyDeleteThat sounds like a great way to be kind - it can be so daunting to be a party and not know anyone. Great project :)
ReplyDeleteAs someone who is notorious for being socially awkward, I appreciate people like you, who try to make others feel comfortable. It is one of the kindest displays of, um, kindness ever. Seriously.
ReplyDeleteLove this post!
ReplyDelete