Some days, you just need a reminder that you're a writer, yanno?
Ayres's voice was steely. "And what explanation do you have for being aboard this ship? Awaiting your moment to retake her?"
Cadiz did not appear to be worried by his current situation. Maggie couldn't help but admire his cool as he stood there between the gargantuan Smith and the sharp-eyed Ayres, acting for all the world like he had every right to be aboard his old ship.
He held his hands out wide, palms up, as if to emphasize the helplessness of his situation. "One man alone? Against all of you? It is foolish, no?"
"And how do I know you're the only one aboard?"
"You search already, I think. You find no one but Cadiz."
Ayres shifted his gaze to Smith who affirmed Cadiz's statement with a curt nod. His lips pressed firmly together, Ayres took a step towards the Spaniard. "How did you get aboard my ship?"
"Your ship? La Huida is your ship now?"
"The Escape is my ship."
Cadiz's face brightened. "Ah, the English. Very funny, you are."
Ayres would not be distracted. "You did not answer my question."
Maggie saw Cadiz's large brown eyes flash in her direction. "Is he not funny, this Englishman you serve? How does he think Cadiz come aboard? Magic?"
Once again, Ayres kept his cool, and this time Maggie didn't intervene. It was like watching two fencers with utterly different styles: one spritely, fast, jumping from spot to spot in the hope of out maneuvering his opponent, the other methodical, calm, reserved and waiting for his foe to make a mistake.
"I would guess," Ayres said with his usual staidness. "I would guess one of Darlington's men aboard the Lady Jane is significantly wealthier now than when he woke up this morning."
Cadiz made a clicking sound with his tongue. "I only make decision for you."
"Pardon?"
"I know you officers." Cadiz puffed up his chest and lowered his voice, masking the softness of his accent with a deep, bull tone. "Join our Navy or we hang you." Then he shrugged. "So I make decision. I join."
"I didn't offer."
Cadiz's smile never wavered. "Ah, but Cadiz like you and the little boy there."
Little boy? "Hey," Maggie said, hands on her hips. "I'm not a boy."
Cadiz's eyebrows shot up and Maggie was instantly sorry she'd said those words. Not that he could have known--could he?--but she definitely didn't like the way he was looking at her.
Ayres turned his back on Cadiz. "You are a prisoner of war and will remain so until we reach port. Smith, take Mr. Cadiz below and place him--"
"Sail ho! Sail ho!"
oooh!
ReplyDeleteNice scene! Love the exchange between Ayres and Cadiz and I like the idea of likening it to a sword fight.
You are so not crap.
Wait, did I miss a meeting? Because I was sure that at the last meeting we decided you didn't suck. I'll have to go back and check the minutes.
ReplyDeleteI still like it. I think I'm missing some key detail about La Huida vs. The Escape, and how that's funny. Other than that Cadiz is delightful and I like the fencing metaphor, because it gives an added layer of characterization to the verbal sparring between Cadiz and Ayers. Plus, it smuggles a lot of great cultural capital on board with it. (Hmmm...Spanish fencers? Who do we know?)
Nope, nope, nope, you don't suck at all!
ReplyDeleteLove this scene, btw. Very witty and fun. I'll also third what the other two have said and say the metaphor is perfect for the, ah, 'discussion' they are having. :-D
can't wait to read more!!!
Just because you mentioned it: LA HUIDA (which means "escape") is the pirate sloop that attacked the LADY JANE in an earlier teaser. Having discovered from Cadiz that the LADY JANE is a marked ship, Ayres, Maggie and a small crew are using the pirate ship, now rechristened ESCAPE, hoping to make it to their destination without being captured.
ReplyDeleteI think the "suck" verdict is still out.
Nope, you don't suck, so hush about that! ;-)
ReplyDeleteI love the fencing metaphor, and the verbal sparring is indeed quite like it. Great job on the dailogue. Really looking forward to reading this thing!
Ooooh. Makes sense now. I was trying to figure how changing the name to Spanish would make it someone else's ship, but it WAS someone else's ship.
ReplyDeleteI seem to have missedd the memo about you sucking, Gretchen, but either way I don't believe it.
ReplyDelete*ahem*
And this teaser, as with all of your stuff I've read, is very strong evidence to the contrary.
okay - so you really DON'T SUCK at all!!! and I love this teaser- more proof of your fabulousness. Seriously - nice bit of writing.
ReplyDeleteI echo all of the above about this so called "suckage". Great piece, I really enjoyed it, and I also love how he think's Maggie is a boy, haha.
ReplyDeleteI like this scene. The fencing metaphor is very nice, and you've managed to do a dialect that doesn't sound forced (which I think is very difficult to pull off).
ReplyDeleteI did notice some eye action that pulled me out of it a bit - sharp-eyed, shifting gaze, flashing eyes. Not bad but a little distracting.
Nice work!
Thanks, Marissa. The eye thing is something I've noticed quite a bit in this rough draft. I'm going to have to be very careful going through the whole ms. pulling out the unnecessary eye directives. It must be the actress in me!
ReplyDeleteHA--I am so guilty of "eye-action" that I didn't really notice at all. I bet a word search of my ms would find "eyes" appearing about a gazillion times.
ReplyDeleteYou so don't suck. I like this exchange--and love the tension and totally different personalities you bring to Cadiz and Ayers.
I think your action is so strong throughout the rest of the piece, though, that it makes the telly-ness/passive voice of the first few lines stand out a bit. (voice was steely, did not appear to be worried, couldn't help but admire).
I look forward to reading more--yay for you posting Teasers again!
I love this scene. I really, really like what I've read of this book so far, Gretchen. I like the banter, and the end there where Maggie makes a verbal boo-boo.
ReplyDeleteMarissa, I do the eye thing a lot in mine! I always have to look out for that during revisions.
Okay, time for your beating.
ReplyDeleteYou DO NOT suck. You're awesome. Your writing is very descriptive and your characters have real personality. The dialog is quick and witty and dead on.
And, you've got one of the most awesome agents ever - TOTALLY out of my league.
Seriously, it's just a rut. You'll get through this. You've been going non-stop with writing, work, circus. Fatigue.
I think I need to read all the rest of the teasers.
ReplyDeleteTranslation: you definitely do not suck.