Maggie sprinted across the deck towards the silhouetted figure of Hoyt on watch. She needed to get to the ship's bell and raise the alarm before the mystery sloop opened fire, raking their helpless deck.
"Hoyt," she whispered, looking up at the form slowly pacing the quarterdeck. "Hoyt, there's a ship alongside."
"What's going on?" Hoyt called, his voice echoing in the silence of the night. Maggie cringed.
"Sh!" She pressed a finger to her lips. "Hoyt, there's a ship alongside, lanterns covered. You need to raise the alarm."
"Toby?" Hoyt stared down at her like she'd just grown a second head. She saw his eyes look down to her right leg, seemingly cured of Toby's characteristic limp. "Toby, is that you?"
Maggie rolled her eyes; she didn't have time to explain. "Hoyt, just ring the--"
"Dispare!"
"Hoyt!" she screamed from the steps. "Ring the bloody bell!"
A half dozen gunpowder flashes sparked in the darkness off the larboard rail just before a blast of cannon erupted from the sloop. The Lady Jane heaved from the impact and Maggie lost her footing on the stairs, landing in a heap of coiled rope. Splinters dislodged by the cannon shot ricocheted through the air like volley of arrows and the resulting screams told her that several crewmen had fallen victim.
The broadside seemed to stir Hoyt to action and he grabbed the bell's clapper, lashing it furiously back and forth.
Great. Good timing. As if the whole crew didn't realize they were under attack.
"Ataca!"
A flurry of grappling irons tore through the cloud of powder smoke, catching the running gear of the Lady Jane as she recoiled from the broadside. With a howl that froze Maggie to the deck, the boarders leapt over the locked gunwales of the two ships, pistols and cutlasses at the ready.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Teaser Tuesday!
I think this excerpt from The Escape needs a smidgeon of set up. This is the opening to the much ballyhoo'd (on this blog...since it took me friggin forever to write it) pirate attack scene. Maggie has been on the Lady Jane for a little over a week, posing as a crippled, stuttering servant boy. She has just caught a glimpse of a ship alongside in the early morning hours, its lanterns covered, hiding their approach in a thick fog bank. Hoyt is the ship's less-than-imaginative Midshipman.
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Pirates? Yay!
ReplyDeleteAwesome...more pirates, please.
Excellent!
ReplyDeleteI love the humor in the scene too and the clueless Hoyt. Again, another scene that's very easy to visualize. I want to see this on the big screen.
I don't think I've read a single excerpt from this book that I haven't enjoyed (does that make sense..it's early in the morning).
Such perfect pacing in this little snippet - no unnecessary detail, and just enough to be very easy to visualize. This is awesome.
ReplyDeleteOh.... I hope they're the hunky piraty types. You know, dark hair and eyes with evil grins to match!
ReplyDeleteI've really gotta stop falling for the bad guys ;)
This reads great! Where's the rest?!?!?!?
OMG, I kept thinking "I'm so glad I'm not doing a pirate scene--all that research!"
ReplyDeleteWell done! Great visuals, and love the touch of humor! But what happens next????? :)
Thanks guys! I try to keep my teasers short because, well, it's a faster read and more fun that way! I think. What do I know?
ReplyDeleteAlso, it wouldn't be a TEASER if you knew what happened next! (*cough* big battle scene *cough* *cough*)
:)
Great scene. I thought for a moment they were screaming "Attica"--duh. Love pirates. Your talent runneth over.
ReplyDeleteGah! I forgot! Should have mentioned that they are Spanish pirates out of the Caribbean. Thus the, er, Spanish...
ReplyDeleteArgh, me mateys! Great teaser! :D
ReplyDeleteWow, this is cool! I especially love, and this is a geeky writer comment, the action verbs. Action verbs are the difference between a passive, distant scene and a scene that's punchy and in your face. Things RICOCHET and HEAVE and TEAR and SPARK. Go verbs!
ReplyDeleteParametric
Awesome scene. Pirates! And love the humor in this as well.
ReplyDeleteWow, Gretchen, I'm impressed how much you know about ships! Cool. Great dialogue, too. Aiy, aiy!
ReplyDeleteHa! Awesome! A proper tease.
ReplyDeleteThis is great! I'm in complete agreement--can't wait to read the whole thing :D!
ReplyDeleteWho doesn't love pirates?!
Yay! So much fun and the scene flies. Now I'm very curious how you handle the attack. My first novel was about pirates, and I always found writing the battles so tricky.
ReplyDeleteWell, I think the pacing in the rest of this scene suffers so it's going to need a rewrite. There's very little dialogue until right at the end of the chapter and I'm trying to make it feel like its moving faster, without inserting dialogue just to insert dialogue.
ReplyDeleteBut that is a battle (no pun) for another day.
I liked it, very good. I like that the character seems real, some people don't make their characters real, but I think you did an excellent job!
ReplyDeleteNaturally, my earlier comment never appeared, because your blog hates me, so I'm just back to say far less eloquently that my favorite part is the stupid futility with which Hoyt springs into action. Perhaps the pacing problem is simply that it takes too long to get to that punchline.
ReplyDelete